These days are not normal. I eat food from Rich's hospital tray. I awake, go to the hospital, do nothing all day and am exhausted by the end. I listen to the neurosurgeon say Rich is doing well, even though today Rich was pumped full of painkillers that I thought were sold only on the street and, still, they don't make him happy. They don't "kill" the pain, either. Pain, or its relatives, keep coming back.
But Rich must get well. So he can return to the chemotherapy and get sick again.
This can't be normal.
And then I get on the bus and am surrounded by conversations -- mostly on cell phones -- that have absolutely nothing to do with any of this, and I want to shout, don't you know that nothing you're saying matters?
Maybe normal isn't worth it.
Candace
3 comments:
"But Rich must get well. So he can return to the chemotherapy and get sick again."
This reminds me of a dialogue that took place between Venus Flytrap and a lawyer in a courtroom on "WKRP in Cincinnati":
Venus (angrily): I'm not going to sit here and let him lie like that!
Lawyer (calmly): You have to. This is a court of law.
Venus stares at the lawyer, incredulous to the point of speechlessness at such a statement. But to the lawyer, it was a perfectly normal thing. And to a doctor, it's perfectly normal to patch someone up so they can stand another round of chemical warfare. But for those of use who are out there in the world, living our lives, this sort of thing is anything but normal: certainly, it makes no sense to us.
Who decides what's normal?
I am a fellow Chordoma Patient. At the April Medical Conference for this disease there was one seminar on "coping" and the take away for me was the "new normal". That is what many patients dealing w/serious diseases must get used to. And the "new normal" keeps shifting as necessary but is oddly calming and very true. Better to accept it than fight. To continue the them of the tree and the mountain; going literally with the flow as a salmon upstream seeking the path of least resistance vs fighting and exhausting oneself after a short way is best.
Rich and Candace are in my thoughts.
To Anonymous:
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. You are in our thoughts, as well.
Candace
Post a Comment