This is one of three "natural" cemeteries in the country, permitting no embalming or concrete vaults or $10,000 hardwood caskets. Its motto: "Preserve a Forest. Plant Yourself." For us immortal-minded humans -- what a deal. No matter the errors and omissions of our lives, in the end we will do good. We will feed other beings who will carry us to places unknown, eternally.
But "we" is morphing into "I." When today I tell Rich I will be getting rid of our old, now urine-soaked mattress, he asks about its replacement.
"I'll do a futon," I say.
He says nothing.
Tonight he will be sleeping on a freshly delivered hospital bed that goes up and down and is impervious to bodily malfunctions.
"It's so small," he says to the Hospice nurse, here for her weekly visit.
"It's just for you," she says.
He says nothing.
But he might not be using the bed much longer. I'm hoping -- we're hoping -- we win a bizarre sort of lottery, the one for a hospital bed in the local facility. We're told we have a good chance, maybe even as early as Friday.
No, not "we." He has the chance. He will be moving out, for eternity.
Candace
6 comments:
My prayers are with you both. I'll see you later, buddy! Rosemary
I'll see you later, buddy! Prayers to both of you! Rosemary
Theodore Roethke writes:
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
http://gawow.com/roethke/poems/104.html
Ann Tillman just alerted me to your blog, with all of its news about Rich. You both are in my prayers each day from now on.
Bob Owens
Such heartbreaking, luminous honesty. Your love shines through.
Much love to you both,
Jane
This is heart-wrenching, Candace and Rich. I am sitting in my bathrobe intending to get ready for another action-packed, appointment-filled day and knowing it's all too much and not really what's important -- to me or to anyone practicing real wisdom in their lives. And then I read about letting go, about going deeper, about love. And it stops me short.
You're so wise.
Greensprings sounds perfect. Hospice will be wonderful care. The time is intense. Breathe. All that any of us can do. Keep breathing in love. The love will be there even when Rich's body is not. That will never go away. I am convinced.
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