Friday, October 23, 2009

ready

A brief note. Rich has one, perhaps two days left. A week, says one optimistic nurse, but she loves him too much. As many do, I realize.

No more words, too weak, except five this morning, said loud and with unfathomable effort. To me, resting on his chest, where I still find a peace more soothing than the goosiest down pillow.

"I-am-ready-to-go."

Yes, I murmur. Thank you. I will miss you so much, so much.

How we live is how we die. And Rich never took on a task he couldn't complete with success and integrity. The last item on the list, checked off.

Tonight I will be sleeping at Hospice, until the end. The staff has arranged for a bed next to Rich, so we can be together one or two more nights.

Then I will go on, ready or not.

Candace






4 comments:

Unknown said...

hello Candace,
here thinking thinking thinking
(praying, loving you)
love, Sarah

Anonymous said...

Both of you are in our hearts.
BTW - I can't imagine that you put them there, but in the "blog archive" panel, there's a pattern in the background of crosses.
Jane

Unknown said...

You will go on, and we will be there for you, with you. Holding you in thought, with love, Heather

Anonymous said...

Candace, I have been away for some time, caring for elderly parents across the continent (one recovering from surgery, one who can't be left alone); and so just tonight have again caught up with your blog... thinking what an irony, and mystery, that some depart so [relatively] young and others, for no fathomable reason, live so long. Perhaps by now, some 48 hours+ after you wrote this entry, Rich has indeed moved on-- leaving us those stunningly stirring words about his being "ready-to-go." Or perhaps again tonight you are there on the cot by his side... Whichever the case, know that a whole cloud of companions, including me, continue with you both from points afar-- grateful for the difficult and profound gift of your sharing these posts with us.

Deep peace be with you both tonight~

Gail