Sunday, December 27, 2009

coming into focus

The mind rambles backwards, trying to skip over the two months -- and two days -- ago, the past year, the past five years, until it settles on a blurry Rich that doesn't come into focus, and then ricochets back to this time a year ago.

Across the valley are two towers, traditionally alight with two numbers that change at midnight on 1 January. Last year, the "0" remained as the "8" became a "9." We made a habit of watching this, our bodies close (yes, this is the New Year's Eve excitement in our town).

"Will I see this again?" he asked.

"I hope so, love."

He knew what I knew but didn't want to know, and knew better than to expect a real answer.

Rich couldn't imagine not being here, and I couldn't imagine being without him.

But here the body kicks in.

And it proclaims: What's the problem? I'm happy. I'm eating. So much energy! Let's live!

Doesn't it know the loneliness, the missed touches, the empty bed?

For now -- always, really -- I trust the body that feels love, not the mind that seeks what has changed forever.

Candace





1 comment:

Unknown said...

What a great lesson. The body here feasts on fresh-squeezed oranges and lots of sleep, as the mind thinks, "why can't the weather be better? What must I do when I return? Shouldn't I get a jump-start on that?" Better to listen to the body and stay in the here-and-now and enjoy.
Mocha knew it all along, as she deep-sighs from her bed at my feet.
Warm solstice and New Year transition to you, my dear friend! Love, Heather